72.68
Calm, Cool, and Collected
Author: Rabbi Moshe Pruzansky
THE TORAH RELATES that after Sarah passed away, Avraham’s in- tense desire was to give her a proper burial in a place befitting her greatness: Me’aras HaMachpeilah. In order to acquire it, he had to first negotiate with Ephron. The process was far from enjoy- able. In front of a large crowd that had gathered, Ephron toyed with Avraham in his time of need. First — in order to impress his gen- erosity upon the onlookers — he informed Avraham that he would give him Me’aras HaMachpeilah for free. Afterward (in private), he demanded an exorbitant price of one million shekels (Bava Metzia 87a). Ephron made his falsely generous offer for the sole purpose of winning over the masses, who indeed crowned him to be their leader after watching his “charismatic” actions of “caring” for the great Avraham Avinu (Rashi 29:10). Despite knowing all of this, Avraham acted humbly and respectfully toward him — he even bowed to Ephron ceremoniously multiple times.
Rabbeinu Yonah (Avos 5:3) records this as Avraham’s tenth and final test. In fact, the Midrash attests that Avraham’s behavior and self-control here were so impressive that afterward the Satan himself declared, “I now know that Avraham Avinu is truly perfect.”
How could this episode with Ephron possibly add to Avraham’s accomplishments in a way that the other nine tests — including Akeidas Yitzchak — couldn’t? Additionally, what greater level of greatness did this demonstrate that earned even the Satan’s respect?
The sefer Emunah Sheleimah tells the story of Naftali, who was trying out for a teaching position in a yeshivah for children who needed a little extra attention. He desperately needed a job, so he prepared for hours, finding just the right lesson that would keep the children’s interest and make a nice presentation.
The day of the model lesson arrived. The principal sat in the back of the classroom, observing. Naftali started the lesson with a smile and sweetness, but two minutes into it, one of the boys started making noises with his chair. Then the boy got up and moved his chair back and forth, clearly attempting to disrupt the class.
Although Naftali was short-tempered, he tried his best not to get angry. He calmly went over to the boy, took the chair and said, “Come, tzaddik, I see this chair isn’t good for you; let me give you a better one so you can enjoy the class with everybody else.” The boy sat down and was quiet and the principal was impressed.
Naftali went on with his lesson and then asked a couple of questions. However, the boys gave answers that had nothing to do with what he had asked, again attempting to ruin his class. Then, all of a sudden, a paper airplane landed right on his desk, and the boys were all giggling. Naftali had prepared so hard for this class, but he realized his lesson was not going to be appreci- ated. He told himself, “You’re being tested, stay calm.” He picked up the paper airplane and smiled, saying, “Chazal tell us that the Anshei Kenesses HaGedolah received the text of the Baruch SheAmar prayer from a note that fell from Heaven. I see also that I just received a note — maybe it was also from Shamayim.” The students laughed and then quieted down. Again, the principal was very impressed.
At the end of the model lesson, the principal brought Naftali into his office. “We have had many try-outs for this job,” the prin- cipal said. “Some were very good and highly qualified teachers, but nobody had the patience that you have. We’d like to offer you the job.”
At some point, we have all lost our temper. Consider the events that surrounded those few episodes — they most likely happened at times of extreme stress. Either things at work weren’t going well, or your kids were being exceptionally tough to deal with. The bottom line is that the more stressful factors that one is dealing with, the easier it is to lose control. This vulnerability to lose our temper becomes infinitely compounded in a situation where we perceive a direct attack to and unconcern for our per- sonal dignity.
The test with Ephron was in a league of its own for two reasons. First, Rabbi Frand points out, we must take into consideration the events that occurred directly prior to this meeting. Avraham Avinu had just come off the emotional roller coaster of Akeidas Yitzchak only to discover that his wife of over a century had passed away. He was arguably having the hardest day of his life. To make matters worse, at this point where even a virtuous human being would be at the end of his proverbial rope, he had to deal with Ephron’s shenanigans. Many of us can perform great acts when we are feeling up to it, but when we have reached our emotional limit, let’s just say that it’s not a good idea to start up with or test us. Avraham had every excuse to lose himself and he could have easily justified doing so.
Second, when it came to all of the other tests, Avraham was in control and chose to do an incredible act to demonstrate his love for Hashem.There is a great feeling of pride and accomplishment that surges through a person when he feels in control and decides to do something heroic. However, when Avraham had to deal with Ephron, he had to sit by while someone else took advantage of him. No matter how great one becomes, it will always be incredibly difficult to remain silent and act respectfully when someone has the audacity to toy with you in your time of need. Man tends to have very low tolerance for chutzpah, especially when it is intentional and to his face.
Despite all of this, Avraham Avinu stayed incredibly calm and respectful throughout the entire episode. The Torah even relates that he ceremoniously bowed down to Ephron multiple times. It was this willingness to swallow his pride and act in a respectable and refined manner, no matter how hard things were at the time, that earned him his victory in his final test and respect even in the eyes of the Satan.
LIVING INSPIRED
HOW CAN WE ensure that we don’t lose our tempers in even the most stressful of circumstances? What was Avraham’s secret? Avraham understood with absolute clarity that everything in life is directly from Hashem, including the actions of man. This mentality caused Avraham to understand that Ephron didn’t have the ability to give him a difficult time or demand an exorbitant price unless Hashem had specifically willed him to do so. Additionally, Avraham worked on making Hashem’s presence palpable. Just as someone who is in the presence of others is too embarrassed to act disrespectfully to another, Avraham worked on feeling Hashem’s presence so acutely that nothing could make him lose his temper.
Mitzvos may be easier when we feel in control. The real test is how we react when we’re not in control, and when others do not treat us properly. Will we still be able to remember that Hashem sent this as a test and wants us to be aware of the fact that He is orchestrating everything? Although remaining calm and courteous when some- one disrespects us is incredibly difficult, persevering in moments like these is man’s greatest accomplishment, as Rabbeinu Yonah (ibid.) and the Midrash (ibid.) have illustrated. This achievement is so great because it is a concrete action proving our belief in Hashem’s presence. The good news is that Avraham Avinu has already planted the ability to succeed in this area within our national DNA. May we all merit to follow in his footsteps.